I KILLED HIM

” BY DARLINGTON CHUKWUNYERE

I had been married for 15 years, no issue to show for it. I was so frustrated and concerned as I was nearing menopause; but to my amazement, my husband was not so bothered at all.
My husband’s family began mounting so much pressure on him to take a second wife, but he refused. This made them to turn the whole table around my neck stating and fuming that I was the cause of their son’s inability to accept marrying another wife who can bear him children… they also concluded that I had held him down to my bidding with some sort of powerful magical spell.

My mother-in-law was the most desperate, but I understood her predicament. A friend of mine (my best friend) suggested that we opt for adoption, but my husband bluntly rejected the idea and even threatened to break up with me if I ever mentioned it in the house again. He gave his reasons being that Adopted Children often come from contaminated blood lines; that since they are often abandoned children, no normal person would ever abandoned his/her child for another man to raise except for prostitutes who must have been impregnated by criminals and never-do-wells.

My mother-in-law later upped her game by coming to live with us in the house; and this was the very beginning of my worst nightmare. She made life a living hell for me, to the extent that I contemplated suicide, countless times.
At this point, my best friend gave me an awkward advice. She told me to consider finding a lover, just for me to conceive, perhaps the problem might have been from my husband all these years. She even told me that it was how she gave birth to her four children… it had been her little secret all these years.
I had never cheated on my husband before; have never contemplated it, ever before, and my husband was indeed a champion in bed… yeah-yeah, of course he sure knows how to hammer and pleasure a woman, well-well… (Lol)… But my dilemma was deeper and darker than a mirage, because I was just two years away from MENOPAUSE.

For several weeks I slept and thought over it. I was in turmoil; never knew any other man except for my husband. I didn’t know how to find a man who will sleep with me, get me pregnant, and then just walk away.
On the other hand I thought about God, but my mind was made up already. I have been faithful to both God and my husband for the past 15 years and yet no reward for it. I was fed up already with the whole gospel/morality stuff.

My friend advised me to choose a man I could control so there won’t be complications later on; so I chose my Housekeeper. Bayo was around 23yrs, but he was too handsome and irresistible. Before then, I admired him a lot but kept to my distance. I threw my advances but he at first rejected the offer. However, when I stepped up my offers and as well threatened to send him back to the village should he refuse my advances again, he succumbed to me.

Bayo was so good in bed that he soon wiped the memories of my husband’s touch from my lustful mind. I lost control of myself as we had unprotected sex every day and night, even at weekends, for two straight months. I soon forgot the main reason for my escapade and started enjoying my unholy relationship with him.

As the second month passed, I began to notice changes in my body. I later found out from diagnosis that I was more than a month pregnant. At first, I told my friend before telling my husband. And then I also informed her that I had been doing it with Bayo my house boy all these while. She was mad at me and advised me again to dispose of him (as in find some way of killing him), her reasons were that the boy was a very risky loose-end for me to keep since he was an insider, he might somehow find out that I had his child later in the future.

I dauntlessly tried on several occasions to poison Bayo but something held me back. I soon found out I was in love with him, and informed my best friend about it. She offered to assist me with that amicably, but the next morning, two Assassins came to the house in form of armed robbers, and made away with my car… they also shut Bayo thrice, in the process… Bayo died moments later, as one of the bullets got him by the chest.
I was not happy. I definitely did not ask her to kill the innocent boy. I should understand her undertone when she mentioned the word “amicably”. She had only told me she was going to whisk him away to exile for good. I broke my relationship with Titilayo my best friend, from that very day. But I neither told my husband what happened between me and Bayo nor what even led to his death.

I noticed that my husband was so aggrieved about Bayo’s death but I didn’t bother asking why. One early morning, I was in the 7th month of my pregnancy, my husband woke me up. He looked very disturbed and depressed. I asked him what the matter was, but he knelt down before me and said that he had a big confession to make.
“Honey I am so sorry, I have not been telling you the truth all these years”
I was confused… what truth is he talking about? I became curious…. (Could it be that I am not the only one with a red skeleton in her cupboard?). At that point, he began his confession.
“Baby, many years ago I lived a very rough life in the university. I had contracted an STD and was too ashamed to go to the hospital. I opted for a local concoction instead, but later when I left the university, I had some medical complications…. The untreated virus had already damaged my testicles and rendered me impotent forever. “
“What! Honey?” I couldn’t contain my shock! But knowing what I had already committed, I didn’t know how best to act like I had been deceived… My husband calmed me down… he had another confession.
“Baby, please forgive me…” he’d continued, “I didn’t know how to tell you all these years. But earlier before the infection, I had a girlfriend in school who had gotten pregnant for me. I had given her money to abort the fetus but she’d bluntly refused. I broke the relationship afterwards, but nine months later she brought a baby boy to my mother during the long vacation. I couldn’t reject the baby this time, and so my parents accepted to take the responsibility while I completed my schooling. It was the same girl that gave me the STD, but she died few years later as a result of other medical complications.”

At this point I felt my husband was drifting away from his confession, as I was not interested in what happened to the woman who got pregnant for him. I was only concerned about the well-being of the boy, so I asked him;
“Honey, don’t worry… I forgive you. But how is this boy now and where has he been all these years?”
My Husband paused for a very long while… moments later he drew a very long breathe, and then continued his narration.

“Honey, he has been living with us. He was Bayo our house boy… I didn’t want you to know his true identity. I was afraid you might maltreat him or even kill him like most women do to children who’re born into their matrimonial homes from another woman. I wanted to protect him since I wasn’t going to be able to get a woman pregnant in my lifetime again…” and then he began to cry like a baby.

I froze to the spot. I didn’t know what to say or do anymore. Then to crown it all, my husband said;
“Dear, Please. I am not angry with you. I knew all these while that the baby in your womb is not my own. But I was too ashamed to confront you. Now that everything has come to the open, Please tell me, who is the father of our unborn child?”

For hours, I couldn’t say a single word to my husband. I didn’t know how to start my own confession either. How do I possible admit that I really cheated on him repeatedly, under his very nose… and how do I even admit that I did it with his own son? Worst still, how do I possibly tell him that it was my fault that his son is dead?